Deconverts: Why Do People "Deconvert"?

Why do people fall "out of love" with their faith? Well, lots of reasons. One of the best books I've read about the phenomenon is sociologist Phil Zuckerman's book, Faith No More: Why People Reject Religion. In this book, Zuckerman finds 9 main reasons why people walk away from their faith:

• 1. Parents: "when only one parent is religious and the other one is lukewarm or an outright nonbeliever, the likelihood of apostasy for the children of such a couple is increased" (page 153)

• 2. Education: "Many of the men and women I talked to found that going to college made them look at the world diff erently, forced them to ask questions that they had never wanted or even thought to ask, and caused them to scrutinize their own values and beliefs" (page 154)

• 3. Misfortune: "For some people, when they experience loss or pain in their lives, it leads them to question God’s goodness, even God’s existence" (pages 154-155)

• 4. Other Cultures, Other Religions: "For some people, it is moving to a new country and being exposed to new ways of life that makes them question their beliefs. For others, it is experiencing or becoming acquainted. with other religions. For still others, it is simply taking a class in which they learn about other religions, other cultures. But the underlying dynamic is always the same: experiencing, witnessing, or learning about other people who do things diff erently, believe diff erent things, and/or hold diff erent outlooks on life can stir up a process of critical self-refl ection that can be potentially corrosive to one’s long-held religious convictions" (page 156)

• 5. Friends, Colleagues, Lovers: "If it isn’t our parents that aff ect and infl uence us, then it is other people who are closest to us" (page 156)

• 6. Politics: "Many religious people who support gay marriage, oppose the war in Iraq, support protecting the environment, fear the likes of Sarah Palin, or simply identify as vegetarians are apt to feel some confl ict with what they are hearing at church or around their family’s dinner table" (page 159)

• 7. Sex: "There were basically three key ways in which issues of sex and sexuality were contributing factors in many people’s rejection of religion: 
• [(a)] The first had to do with desire. Some people, as they hit their teenage years or early twenties, found themselves wanting to have sex. But this desire was flatly condemned by their religion....
• [(b)] A second way in which sex can contribute toward apostasy has to do with guilt. Many religions spend a lot of time and energy making their adherents feel shame and guilt about sexual urges and desires. Sex becomes heavily associated with sin, uncleanliness, and moral depravity....This emotional linkage of healthy sexual desire/experience. with guilt/shame can leave a bitter taste in some people’s mouths. They came to resent what they had been taught, and the way it made them feel. Some distanced themselves from religion....
• [(c)] Finally, there is the matter of homosexuality. There is simply no question that being gay or lesbian can strongly contribute toward someone’s apostasy. Gays and lesbians learn early on that their sexual identity is unwelcome, unacceptable, and downright unholy. So many leave—and they go on to embrace secular values and secular worldviews that confi rm and celebrate who they are, rather than deny and deride" (pages 159-161)

• 8. Satan and Hell: "Many of the people I interviewed, particularly those who had been raised in conservative Protestant denominations or strongly Catholic households, had been taught to fear Satan and hell. And they did. And this fear remained an ugly, damaging, disturbing element of their lives for many years. As they got older, they began to resent it, hate it, and eventually question it" (page 162)

• 9. Hypocrisy/Malfeasance of Religious Associates: "Most religious people, at one time or another, come into contact with unsavory people who should not, given their outward religiosity and ostensibly piety, be so unsavory. Perhaps it is one of their fellow congregants. Or maybe it is their priest, pastor, or minister. For many of the men and women whom I interviewed, their withdrawal from religion was spurred in large part by religious people that they knew, or knew of, who acted in such a way as to create feelings of unease, disappointment, or repugnance" (page 162)

It would be interesting to see more examples, and find out if this list is all-inclusive--or whether there are still other reasons that people give up on their faith.